What’s in a Name?

My father picked up the phone with a voice of recognition saying an exuberant, “Hello there!….” then a pause as words fumbled across his tongue and swirled around inside his mouth.  I could hear the Rolodex inside his brain whirring without stopping as he was grasping for clues and desperately seeking it.  That thing that he knew would identify me yet he couldn’t quite place.  I picture him finding resolution in the caller-id on the phone as he uttered, “Dominisse woman.”  I responded in kind by calling him, “Bivin man.”

We chuckled together.

My heart quietly broke without him knowing.

For the first time since my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s he forgot my name.  He knew it was me and yet he couldn’t find my name.

I found myself really asking, “What’s in a name? What’s in MY name?”  Here’s what I discovered in my name…

• All the times my dad yelled “LEEEEESAAA!” searching for me because I was out playing too late.
• All the bed-time, “Lisa, I love you”s as he shut off the light.
• All of the “Lisa, I’m so proud of you”s.
• The sound of my dad telling me he was disappointed in my behavior and how could I do better.
• The time my dad held my first child, Caroline, and crying said, “Lisa, my greatest regret in life is spanking my children.  Please don’t spank your children.”
• The time my dad held his namesake, William, and looked at me in wonder with joyful tears in his eyes and said, “Lisa, I’m so honored to have my grandson named after me.  Thank you.”
• All the “Lisa, you did it!”s as we celebrated my accomplishments.
• All the “Lisa, you look beautiful!”s
• And the “Lisa, what can I do to help you?”s.

I find I am mourning a lifetime of hearing my name spoken lovingly from my father’s lips.  I’m also celebrating the many joyful moments associated with my name.

Take a moment to remember we never really know what’s in a name.  For some it will be great joy and for others sorrow and pain.  Speak the names in your life with compassion and all whose names you speak will feel valued the way I feel valued by my father—even if he doesn’t know my name.

Have your BEST week yet!