Response to Recent Violence & Arrests of 3 Teens in Marion

When the crime was initially reported I felt a sense of hopelessness. And, while now with the arrests, there is certainly also a sense of relief, my over arching concern remains for the victim and her family, but also for our community as a whole.

Somewhere, in some way, we as a community have failed these three teens. I know that wording is harsh and for many, possibly fighting words. I can hear the comments now, “They aren’t my children.”

And, while I agree with Marion Police Chief David Gilbert, when he was quoted as saying, “These selfish narcissistic violent people are not who this community is, and we should never, never concede anything to them.”

Nothing will change, until  we are vocal and state as Chief Gilbert has, that this is not our community norm, the perception will be that it is our community norm and levels of  violence will continue.

Now, before you say, it is rare for a gang rape to occur in our community, I agree, that is true. But the point I am trying to make is that any violence, at any level, to anyone, is unacceptable, and we as a community must say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

Unfortunately as can be attested to by the almost daily reports of intimate partner violence (IPV) in the Chronicle-Tribune, we are a community that is surrounded by violence.

It has been difficult to find a day when there is not a news article about a loved one who was assaulted by someone they loved or occasionally by a stranger. Between July 16 when the rape was reported in the Chronicle-Tribune and Aug. 28 when the arrest of the three teens was reported, the following stories were printed about other violent crimes. In the majority of the stories, the incident was reported just once in the Chronicle-Tribune during this time frame.

Rape: Four stories
Domestic Violence: Nine stories
Domestic Violence in front of Child(ren): Three
Battery:  28
Battery causing bodily injury: Three
Child Abuse or Suspected Molestation: 12
Strangulations: Three
Stabbings: Two (one of these stabbings later resulted in a false report)
Robbery:  Two
Murder:  Two stories (one incident with children present during the murder)
Aggravated Battery: One
Shooting: One

And these are cases where police were called. As an expert in the field of domestic violence, I know that a victim will not report an initial incident to police. I also know that it can be months and even years before that initial physical assault takes place. I also know that by the time the physical assault has taken place that victim is very conditioned as to what to expect and what is acceptable behavior.

Because of the devastating number of cases reported to police in these 44 days and in turn covered by the local newspaper, I am leading the charge –

I am making this personal and I am sounding the alarm, asking for everyone in this community to take a stand with me by starting in our own homes. Take the time to educate your children about respect and honor and how to treat each other, through role modeling with your partner or ex-partner whom you share a child with. Then take that attitude into your neighborhood, your work place and everywhere else you go – make sure the clerk at the local convenience store or retail store knows they are appreciated for the work they do.

Let’s take back this community. Let’s show the thugs of this community that they are not welcome here if their intent is to harm others. Let’s change the norms and culture in our community so that it is not acceptable behavior – because change does start with one. We can each make a difference.

One simple challenge and place to start is with a simply strategy where you hold others accountable when they say a PUT DOWN – whether it is directed at you or themselves. For every put down stated, that person must say two PUT UPS.

Which means, the next time you make a comment that is derogatory to someone or yourself, you must immediately state two positives about yourself or that person. Eventually, you will find you are less critical of yourself and others if you are consistent with this challenge.

That simple activity focusing on verbal and emotional abuse, can work to empower others instead of tearing them down and if used consistently I believe can change the culture of the environment in which we live and work in.

Hands of Hope for the past 18 months has been participating in an initiative called Delta Focus with the end goal to reduce incidents of intimate partner violence by lowering tolerance around this crime by increasing protective factors that create a culture where IPV is not acceptable.

As we move along with this project, my hope is that you will come along side us and help us to implement strategies we are working on to accomplish this lofty goal. One tangible marketing tool I hope you see is bus signs, billboards with our message of RESPECT. We will also be working to get the word out through social media and on the radio with ads focusing on respect.

Because in the end we all must accept this as our responsibility for the future of our community. And we can accomplish this by this clear statement:

LIVE WITH RESPECT. STAND WITH RESPECT. LEAD WITH RESPECT.