Life Looking FUBAR? Look Again!

Growing up a perfectionist overachiever is hard work and even harder on the emotional bank account.  The world doesn’t have to tell you what a screw up you are because you constantly find reasons to berate yourself.  Right? Then, you actually DO screw up.  Maybe it’s in college or you buy a business that isn’t a good investment.  You create an impossible situation inside your marriage or you sabotage a project at work.  Whatever it is, we’ve all had failures.  They are merely events in our lives that provide rich learning opportunities.  I was recently doing a “life failures review” to see if there was an overarching theme that created the umbrella that is my lesson.

And, yes, there is a theme.

My theme is living out other people’s dreams as my own and not owning MY dreams.

Here’s how it has played out over time.

• College–I wanted to attend an all girls school out east and had the scholarship to make it happen.  My parents wanted me to attend Southern Methodist University in Dallas (scholarship there, too).  I went to SMU because their dream for me was to graduate from the Ivy League of the South and be close to family friends.  I hated it.  I was finally allowed to transfer after my junior year.
• First marriage–liked the guy; I was immature and thought that I was of the age that I should get married so when he asked I said yes.  Thank goodness we have been able to raise two awesome kids and remain friends.  I was adopting a societal dream/expectation of how a relationship progresses and next steps without thought to whether I was ready and whether or not my dreams would be fulfilled.
• Business–I invested more than $35K to make someone else’s idea a reality.  The individual was charismatic and convincing.  He planted the seed of the business in my mind and fanned the flames of excitement at starting something new that could be a huge revenue generator.  I did all of the research, a market study, and surrounded myself with individuals who could help guide me to make it happen.  I launched the business and discovered I had no passion for it.  It wasn’t “mine.”  I didn’t wake up in the morning wanting to make the business happen.  So it didn’t.

Many of us walk the planet, often in misery, trying to live out other people’s expectations and dreams for our lives.  We feel a constant tug and inner pull, “Is this it? Is this all there is? Why am I so unsatisfied? Why is my life FUBAR?”  Our dissonance breeds discontent which breeds resentment.

I cast off other’s dreams several years ago and although it was a difficult process (the disease to please runs deep), reclaiming myself was well worth the journey.

Consider yourself today.  Are you living in congruence with who you truly are?  Look again? And begin taking the baby steps toward freedom from the shackles of others’ dreams for you and step into your own.

P.S. Mom, if you’re reading this, FUBAR means Flubbed Up Beyond All Recognition (ha!).