Consent is not Implied

If you are not sure if the person you are with wants to have SEX, ask them. And until CONSENT is verbalized, then you should never assume that you should force yourself on that other person.

To me this message is at the core of what Hands of Hope, a division of Radiant Health has been striving to accomplish through our school based presentations and work in the community. It is about respect. When we have respect in a relationship consent is verbalized every step of the way.

In Friday’s Chronicle-Tribune, the convicted rapist’s attorney said, “There is no credible way to know how a 15-year-old viewed the situation. The fact he has a casual attitude about sex doesn’t go towards the charges in this case.”

I was told that the majority of Thursday’s trial surrounding the 15-year-old rapist focused extensively around why the victim didn’t do more to stop the rape.

First, the victim should never be put on trial.

Secondly, it is so critically important that everyone knows that just because a victim does not kick, scream, yell or say NO, it does not mean the person or victim wanted to have sex.

Whether a person chooses to have sex with another person, should be communicated verbally with a question, and an answer, and if the answer is not explicitly YES, then consent is not given.

It is enraging to me, and frustrating that this kind of thinking will be repeated as conversations are had in the community, and is exactly what Hands of Hope is working so hard to stop.

We must educate ourselves and our youth that RAPE is WRONG. And again, unless your partner explicitly communicates to you, verbally that Yes, I want to have sex, sex is not assumed.

If you have not had a conversation with your teen or adolescent about this subject this would be a great time to do just that. It is also a great time to discuss your personal values about sex, and when sex is appropriate to have.

For a conversation starter click here to watch the second installment of Dateline’s award-winning series My Kid Would Never Do That with Natalie Morales who tests teens in what looks like tricky situations at a party space. Teens will hear from the founder of The Date Safe Project, providing guidance and solutions to teens for healthy dating and bystander intervention. This first aired in June 2015 and shows teens in various scenarios at a party and how they would intervene. At the end, the founder of the Date Safe Project, role plays with two teens about the importance of consent and communication in a healthy relationship.

If teens and adults follow these guidelines, there would not be any question of what does a 15 year old think about consent.

And, please remember in the rape trial that just ended in a conviction, there was no relationship between this 15 year old boy and the woman he brutally attacked. He broke into her house. So how in the world would anyone ever think the woman wanted to have sex. In my opinion, all she was doing was her best to protect her children, which I as a mother would have done too.

So, again, please, I implore anyone and everyone to never think that just because a woman or man doesn’t say NO, that means that person must have wanted to have sex. It only means clear communication and consent was not given – and that is RAPE.