I’m super strong willed—have been since birth and my mom has the stories to prove it. As a three year old, I remember my lily white Easter dress with the wide yellow ribbon tied at …
I also remember my mother telling me, in no uncertain terms, to stay out of the creek. I’m sure my eyes twinkled as I immediately headed for the creek to catch frogs and tadpoles. You can imagine for yourself the image of a pretty little girl emerging with a frog in her hands and covered in moss and mud from head to toe. I can still feel the sensation of being electric and alive even knowing there would be consequences.
As I grew older, this direct “I’ll do what I want” defiance changed and shifted as I learned to be more “acceptable” in my behavior. I learned to toe the line so to speak so as to keep the world around me and my relationships functioning harmoniously. Interestingly, by working to keep things copasetic around me, I discovered I’ve settled. The challenge with this is there is peace all around me and none within me. A friend from my past described me as “chronically discontented.”
It’s exhausting to settle because you lose little pieces of yourself in the process. Reminds me of the scene from the movie Runaway Bride where Julia Roberts’ character is trying to figure out what type of eggs she likes. Previously she always ordered whatever the love of her life at that time was ordering. She was settling. After sampling many different types of eggs, she discovers she loves Eggs Benedict.
Living in congruence with who we really are is the path to our greatest fulfillment and more joy. It also creates challenges to the external peace you have created around you as others adjust to you reclaiming yourself. You will shake things up in order to find your personal peace and this challenges everything you’ve become accustomed to as a person who settles. On the flip side, you will be more interesting to those in your life and to yourself.
As I continue to work through my own recovery from settling, I encourage you to ask yourself if you have been settling. If you have been, what needs to change in order for you to live in alignment with your true self? Develop a plan around those changes and work on it a few minutes each day. Soon, you’ll feel your inner peace building and joy filled living will be even more abundant. You can change YOUR own life for good.